unholy Confession

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Hey ! It's me Syaza. Here is all about my memories with Arwah Amirul. Since we were inlove, then we break then next he's gone forever. My sincere thanks to those who became my follower and keep on reading my post. Im back here again :( I miss you so much Mirul !

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Rest In Peace, Amirul Razaili

I would like so much to express how much I miss you sayang. But I just can't. i know you couldn't even hear me anymore, but I seriously wanna let you know that I miss you way too much and no one could ever replace you in my life and even my heart. You'll always be the one for me. Through thick and thin.

I won't forget those memories I had with you, those precious memories. I won't be able to see you again in this world. But I seriously wanna meet you again in Jannah. I always pray for it. I don't know how to say this. But you are the one who could make me laugh like there's no tomorrow. I miss your jokes and I miss the way you make me smile :'(

Sgt sgt rindu dekat you sayang :'(

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

special word for you

now that he has left me, i got to do everything on my own, be on my own. i hope someone else will know, how am i feeling now and how much I really missed him. it’s hurting a lot, but i got to move on no matter what. what is this called? :(

miss you so much, muhammad amirul bin razaili. i hope you're doing just fine. may you'll be placed in jannah. al-fatihah. 
♥♥




*i wish you know how much we miss you here.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Jar Of Hearts,

i miss the way you smile at me, the way your eyes stare at me.
i miss everything bout you baby.
im the last in your life, but you are not the last one in my life.
im sorry. i do a lots of mistake. yeah i knew it :(


No I can't take one more step towards you 
Cause all that's waiting is regret 
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore 
You lost the love 
I loved the most 

And I learned to live, half alive 
And now you want me one more time 

who do you think you are? 
Runnin' round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Who do you think you are? 

I hear you're asking all around 
If I am anywhere to be found 
But I have grown too strong 
To ever fall back in your arms 

And I learned to live, half-alive 
And now you want me one more time 

Who do you think you are? 
Runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Who do you think you are? 

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright 
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes 
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed 
Cause you broke all your promises 

And now you're back 
You don't get to get me back 

Who do you think you are? 
Runnin' round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Don't come back at all 

And who do you think you are? 
Runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
Don't come back for me 
Don't come back at all 

Who do you think you are? 

Who do you think you are? 

Who do you think you are?

mirul, neyh lirik syaa nak bg kat mirul. everytime i heard this song, my tears fall down for no reason. yeahh i still remember you. i cant even forget you mirul. miss you so much !

saya kena marah :(

mirul, dia marah saya. dia marah sebab saya post gmbr awak dekat blog saya. salah ke saya buat mcmtuu ? :( saya dah tataw nak menanges dekat mana, nak ckp kat siapa ape saya rasa. semuanya saya tanggung perasaan saya sorg sorg. saya pendam sorg sorg. mirul tahu takkk mcm mana rasa pendam sorg sorg, bila malam, menanges sorg sorg samapi tertdo, mengharapkan mirul dtg balek dalam hidop kami semua ? mirul tahu tak, we are HURT so much okayh ! saket sgt sgt.

thats why now, bila sya rasa syaa nak luah, mirul tahu syaa luah kat mana ? syaa menanges dekat mana ? dekat depan laptop neyh syaa menanges. dekat depan laptop neyhh sya luahkan segalanya, sya try lepaskan rinduu sya kat mirul. i had nobody to tell them what i fell about. i dont know to who i should cry on their shoulder. seriously sya rinduu sgt kat mirul.

mirul, mirul tahukan syaa selalu harap mirul dtg dalam mimpi syaa. okayh just mimpi. syaa nak jumpa mirul. for the last time. coz time last day mirul, sya tak sempat dtg :( syaa tak sempat tgk mirul. syaa tak percaya mirul tade. pleasee mirul. i hope u can see how many times my tears falls down because of you mirul. i wish you are here to wipe my tears :( i have nobody by myside who do understand me. 2 bulan mirul, syaa tahan neyh sume. tiap kali syaa baca yassin untuk mirul sure air mata neyh tumpah lagi. F tak faham syaa. dia tatahu ape syaa rasa. dia pk buukan bukan pasal kita mirul. thats why syaa tade siapa nak mengadu. syaa takot kalau syaa mengadu dekat dia, dia marah marah syaa. pernah syaa ajak dia ziarah kubur atok and nenek, tp dia marah. mirul tahu dia ckp ape kat syaa ? dia ckp kenapa since ex you meninggal, baru skg you nak g kubur sume ? :( sedih mirul bila dia ckp mcmtuu dekat syaa.

mirul, syaa pergi duluu. syaa nak tdo. memang hari hari syaa tak pernah lupekan mirul. btw syaa demam. syaa tataw kenapa. ohh ye, btw harituu sya terserempak dgn epul. tah mcm mana dia boleh ada dekat area rumah nenek pown syaa tataw. dekat dia pown syaa selalu ckp pasal mirul. kami semua tak pernah lupaa kat mirul. you always in our mind and heart. rest in peace :(

Sunday, March 27, 2011

crying again baby.

hari hari saya menanges. mlm tadi saya terengat awak. saya nak baca yassin untuk awak. tapi saya tgh cuti. so tak boleh. YA ALLAH, tabahkanlah hati aku.

awak, tadi saya talk dgn adek awak arif. tak byk borak ape pownnn. cuma bila saya cko dgn dia, saya luahkan perasaan saya. saya tatahu dekat siapa lg saya boleh luahkan perasaan saya. saya nak nanges dekat someone. tp siapa ? semua orang mesti engat saya dah lupakan awak. tp sebenarnya saya tak pernah pown lupakan awak. saya selalu terengat awak. hari hari saya tgk gmbr awak yg saya simpan. kebetulan saya jumpa memory card saya dan awak semalam :(

saya nak ckp saya rinduuu. saya nak g ziarah awak. tapi susaa. saya tatahu nak pergi naek apa. saya terengat kisah kita dua. too many things we did together kann. kaki saya ada bekas , sebab naek motor awak. awak engat lg tak ? then awak marah marah saya pasal kaki tuuu. tuu je kenangan saya simpan selaen gmbr kita :(

mirul, syaa nak jumpa mirul. sekali cukup laa. dah boleh buat syaa happy dah. terseksanyaa jiwa syaa bila mirul pergi mengejut mcmni. tolongg laaa. mirul datang dlm mimpi syaa pown tape. btw syaa dah tak guna handphone yg kita dua pernah sama sama pakai duluu. sumpah sedih tgk handphone tuu. syaa biarkan je handphone tuuu. sebab duluu handphone tuu awak yg pegang kann ?

Ya Allah, hari hari aku berdoa semoga dosa dosa Arwah, Engkau ampunkan. tempatkanlah Arwah bersama sama org berimanmu Ya Allah. Al-Fatihah

*tears*

Saturday, March 26, 2011

2 months,

BABY BOBOT, dah dua bulan awak tade. dah dua bulan saya tahan kesedihan saya rinduuukan awak. agak agak awak tahu tak saya rinduukan awak ? awak nampak tak saya menanges mlm hari ? 

btw awak engat lagi tak first time kita kenal ? 3 tahun lepas. time tuu saya baru masok kerja. at first, saya tengok awak mcm tak suka saya je. tp tibe tibe mlm raya awak boleh tanya saya nak pakai baju apa time raya. yelaa time raya kann kite kene kerja. saya dgn awak sama sama shift plak tuuu :)  awak ckp awak nak pakai baju same colour dgn saya. tp last last last awak tak pakai pownnn kan ? 

engat lagi tak time kita mula mula rapat duluuu ? awak dgn atok asyik asyik ckp saya neyh adek awak berdua. saya pown yekann je laa :D time tuu kita bertiga kat bahagian bar. awak kann jage bahagian bar. and saya plak cashier. tp suka semak dekat tempat awak kann ? :)

and  satu lagi, awak engat tak saya call awak then awak maki maki sebab tatahu saya siapa. saya pown tataw saya dapat number awak dari mana. saya call awak pown pakai number kwn saya, sebab birthday dia. dpt call free katakan. saya call, awak angkat, awak tanya siapa, saya suruh awak teka. HAHA, memang kene maki laa lepastuu kan :)  time tuu saya dah rinduu kat awak. awak lam sgt tak dtg kerja.

tapi love story kita bermula time saya SPM :) saya tgh tak kerja time tuu. sebab ada paper kan. saya kene laa cuti. tapi start tuu je awak mesej saya. one day tuu time last paper, time saya otw nak ke bus stand, nak balek kl, time kita tgh mesej, tbe tbe awak propose saya jadik GF awak ! saya mcm tak percaya je. tp saya happy sgt sgt ! sebab timee tu saya mmg tgh tgu awak pownnn. saya memang dah suka awk pownn. and saya terima lamaran awak. then bermulaa laa kisah kita kannn ? 

rinduuunyaa dekat awak. saya nak ulang balek boleh. and pasni saya nak jaga awak elok elok. tolong laa balek :(

*btw lupa nak bgtahu awak, kwn saya baru lepas bersalin and dia bg nama baby dia Muhammad Amirul Syaza sempena nama kita berdua. awak sukaa tak ? saya suka tp saya sedih sebab nama awak ada kat situu :( saya nak jumpa awakkkkk :(

muhammad amirul bin razaili ♥

Amirul Razaili



Ya Allah, please forgive him, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, please let him be with those You love, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, please place him in Jannah, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, please bless him, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, please help him. Forgive him, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, please accept our prayers for him, Ya Allah.

Amin Ya Rabbul'Alamin.


Lots of love, from me. 
When I was so happy, when I couldn't stop smiling, when everything feels so right, I remember when everyone told me I'm the happiest person on earth. When I never shred a tears over a guy, when nothings wrong. Until you walked in my life, everything was going crazy ever since then.

You turned my world upside down and then I realized , I’ve fallen in love. Getting to know you was the best time ever and been with you was the greatest time of my life. You taught me so much, things that I will never know. You make smile out of no where. I honestly miss your sense of humor. You know how everyone think that when they have a boyfriend, their grades drop? K well, mine didn't. In fact, it got better.

You know what I love most about you? Is that you actually care about me. I love how you always ask me how my day was. Barely anyone ever ask me that. I love how you don't like talking about your feelings but when it comes to me, you actually tell me how you feel. I remembered the first time you told me you like me. It was cute and special. I remembered every single words you’ve said. I miss everything.

You changed me. You made a huge impact in my life. As you can see, I'm not the same person I was before. I changed. Completely. Not the same anymore, all thanks to you. Even if your not here anymore, you know what keep me going? Those two special words that you always tell me. “Keep positive”, those two words. It may not be a lot , but its enough.

People always wondered what did I see in you and honestly, when I look at you, I see myself. I see everything about me when I look into your eyes. Its amazing how a person can damage alot. Everyone said you're not worth it, but truth is, you worth every tears, every pains, everything. You never hurt me, you never did me wrong.

With the help of Allah S.W.T, insyaAllah our prayers are always with you Amirul Razaili. May Allah S.W.T bless your soul. You'll be in our hearts forever. 

Asalam. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

message from me about two years ago.

"Baby, if i maty mlm neyh. macam mane dengan u ? u menanges tak tgk i terbareng tido tak bangun bangun ? nanty u teman tak i towk kali terakhir ? lepas i dah tade, u still engat kat i lagi ke ? or u teros lupekan i ? mampu ke u hidop tanpa i ? atau u akan teros carik pengganti i ? demi kebahagiaan u baby, u buat laa ape je. u happy i pown happy sayang :D i taleyh teman you sepanjang hidop i. tapi percaya laa. i ada di sisi you. sayang dan cintaku tak akan pernah padam. saat kaw bahagia ku pastikan tersenyum. pejamkanlah matamu bila kaw merinduiku. ku pastikan di sisimu. engat lagi tak ayat neyh ? i pernah hantar kurt u. time kita saling sayang antara satu sama laen. baby, i tak mungkin lupa tuu sume. i pown tanak u lupekan memory kite. sayang, i nak mintak maaf. i tak dapat teman u sepanjang hidop u cam yang i janjikan dulu. tp i cuma tunaikan u lelaki terakhir dalam hidop i. betolkan yunk ? i nak sangat happykan u. tapi i tak mampu. sorry sayang. i tanak ni terjadi. tapi takdir tade sape leyh tolak. tp i nak u taw sayang i tak mungkin padam. i love you so much AMIRUL RAZAILI"

tapi last last awak yg tglkan saya dahuluu mcm yang awak ckp kan. btw engat lagi tak mesej saya bg kat awak yg neyh panjang gilaa ? saya rinduu saat tuh sayang :(

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

IM HERE BACK FOLLOWERS

peeps, im here back. sini tempat saya meluahkan segala perasaan saya kepada arwah. sumpah , saya terlalu merindui dia. terlaluuu sgt. maaf lama sgt saya mendiamkan diri. selepas entry saya yang six month anniversary saya taeros membisu. nak tahu sebab apa ? sebab selepas ituu saya and Amirul sudahh puts hubungan. kami membuat haluan masing masing. tp tidak kini. saya akan berada di sini. saya nak Arwah tahu yg saya masih sayangkannyaaa. btw, saya ada another blog that is http://thesweetestthingofme.blogspot.com tp ituuu hanya tentang saya dan kehidupan baru saya selepas Arwah. tp semenjak Arwah pergi, saya sering termenung sendiri. saya tatahu di mana tempat saya meluahkan perasaan saya. kepada kwn kwn ? hmmm, mereka bukan faham and bukan suka dgr masalah begini sebab mereka tidak pernah rasa. kepada blog baru ? ituu tidak mungkin. sebab bf baru saya sgt sgt tak suka bab ini, even Arwah dah tiada. so saya sambung semula story saya dgn dia di sini.

and kat sini jugak, saya nak bgtahu, sayaaa terlaluuu laluuuu merindui arwah. and tadi saya kemas bilik. selongkar selongkar bilik, saya terjumpa satu memory card. saya tahu memory card tuu zaman saya dengan Arwah. saya dah kehilangan semua gmbr saya dgn Arwah, dah saya mengharap sgt if saya bukak memory card ini, ada tersimpan gmbr kami bersama. Ya Allah ! sukanyaa saya sebab memang gmbr kami ada di dlm , tersimpan. menanges saya semula :( saya rinduuu kan arwah. TERAMAT ! tp tiada siapa yg faham :(